Little Red Keiichilocks &d3 Poorly Disguised Bears
by Count Vaniy
Summary: Follow the adventures of Keiichilocks and his gorgeous red, velvet hood as they try to deliver Grandma's basket of goodies while being chased by a crossdressing wolf.
1. Default Chapter

Little Red Keiichilocks and the Three Poorly Disguised Bears  
  
Part 1  
  
By Count Vaniy (vbani@yahoo.com)  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own, no make money, you no sue okay?  
  
Once upon a time in a land far, fhaaaaar away, there lived a beautiful, gorgeous hunk of a man named Keiichilocks, for his long, glorious, perfectly curled, bleach black hair. The like of which has never been seen and will never be seen again. Ooooh… (drool drool) Oh! Ahehe… ^- ^;; and going back… Keiichilocks was skipping happily in the forest on the way to his grandma's house one fine morning to bring her a basket of goodies. He wore a red hood that matched his hot, sexy, silk underwear from "Victoria's Secret", when he met a strange, er, "wolf". Actually, it was the cross dresser from the other town. "He" was wearing a slinky, low-cut, fur ensemble complete with matching cape and purse- made from real wolves' hide. It said so on the label- 'made from real big bad wolves'. The "wolf" took one glance at Keiichilocks' stunningly stylish, haute couture, hand- crafted, velvet Armani (that matched his undies () hood and simultaneously drooled and turned green with envy. Anyway, the "wolf" declared in his booming baritone:  
  
"Wolf": That outfit is to die for. I simply must have it!  
  
Keiichilocks sweatdrops.  
  
"Wolf": It is obvious, my dear, that red does not go with curly, bleach black hair! Probably blue or black, but RED?! Tres terible! I simply cannot allow such a fashion victim such as you to… to… TURN AROUND!!! My eyes aren't use to such monstrosity! The horror…  
  
Keiichilocks bends down, puts on his running shoes and promptly exits stage left. It's never a good sign when fashion critic, cross-dressing "wolves" have the hots for your outfit. The "wolf" jauntily flings back his cape and traipsed after him.  
  
After a few hours of frantic running and looking back, turning right then left then right again, Keiichilocks ran right-in-to-a-tree. The stars are out this fine morning. Such wonderful twinkling stars danced around Keiichilocks' head and all went black.  
  
When he came to, he realized that he was lost but 'lo and behold, in a clearing not far away stands a simple yet elegant mansion.  
  
Keiichilocks: Holy crap! I'm lost! Hey, maybe someone in that small, yet tastefully decorated mansion can help me.  
  
And so saying, he pranced merrily to the 'mansion yonder'. Keiichilocks stealthily approached the mansion…  
  
Keiichilocks: IS ANYBODY HOOOOME?  
  
…and let himself in since the door opened by itself (insert horror movie theme song here). The mansion though large, is well kept and even better booby-trapped. Nary a poison arrow was out of place and the wall and floor spikes were scrubbed clean twice daily. Or so it seemed when the aforementioned were flying towards him. Keiichilocks had managed to dodge the arrows and other pointy things but he didn't notice the squadron of robotic birds carrying huge water bombs that they dropped on his head. To his relief, he only got soaked and not skewered on some extremely fine- pointed projectiles. Then he felt sort of funny. You know, like, warm and fuzzy all over. That's because he WAS warm and fuzzy!  
  
Keiichilocks: Aaaahh…I turned into Barney!!!  
  
Or to be more precise, Keiichilocks turned into Barneylocks. A huge purple dinosaur with green spots and superbly curled, bleach black hair. It was wearing a matching red hood and slinky, sexy, red-hot lingerie- both of them collector's items. If that wasn't enough, the walls of the hallway he ran to started closing in. And to top it all off, suspiciously happy, twinkling, cutie-cutie kiddy music could be heard. Upon hearing the background music, Barneylocks couldn't help himself and so he sang:  
  
Barneylocks: I love you, You love me, We're a happy family…  
  
The song is terribly lame and extremely cheesy, Barneylock's voice is to die for, literally and children's whiny voices were starting to be heard from the background as well. And it was all too much for the poor, innocent wall with the 12" titanium spikes. It couldn't hold on much longer to such… bad taste. It wailed one last time:  
  
Wall: Nooo…! I can't work under these conditions…!  
  
…And promptly crumbled to dust. Barneylocks continued to sing and prance around the mansion, merrily swinging his basket of goodies and wherever Barneylocks went, the background music was sure to follow. All that dancing made him tired and as luck would have it, there were three chairs in the sitting room he found himself in. Barneylocks took one look at those slim, ergonomic chairs, then at his hideously wide posterior and went on to the next room. He eventually found his way into the dining room where "Porridge ala King" was to be found.  
  
Barneylocks: My, what pleasant little porridges. Ahyuk ahyuk ahyuk!  
  
The porridges sweatdrop.  
  
Barneylocks made himself comfortable and tried the first porridge contained in a red bowl with the name Skuld engraved on the side. As he was about to taste the "Porridge ala King", a robotic arm appeared from the side of the bowl and force-fed him continuously, occasionally missing his huge mouth and shoving its contents up his nose. It kept this up until the bowl was half empty/ half full.  
  
Barneylocks: Ahyuk ahyuk! I almost drowned there. Ahyuk!  
  
He then approached the second purple bowl of colorful porridge engraved with the name "Urd". He was relieved to see that it had its own normal spoon. It would have been the perfect bowl o' porridge too if only it hadn't been bubbling and sizzling and giving off strange odors- very psychedelic.  
  
Barneylocks: Groovy… Ahyuk!  
  
He made himself comfortable and gingerly held the spoon in his, um, paws and ate from the second bowl with glee, before it started to eat him, of course. Running away seemed like a good idea if only phallic tentacles had not 'schlucked' him into the bowl. *Glug glug glug* Barneylocks couldn't swim so he drowned.  
  
-THE END-  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kidding kidding ^_^;;  
  
Our intrepid hero then swan-dived with a triple somersault out of the bowl and landed on his gloriously large, well-padded, green-spotted, soft, purple tushies. After rolling on the floor a few dozen times to remove any excess porridge on his person, giggling:  
  
Barneylocks: Ahyuk ahyuk ahyuk!!!  
  
Barneylocks felt warm and fuzzy all over again. Only this time, he felt really sexy and feminine for some undefined reason. Luckily, a walking mirror happened to walk by. Glancing at the mirror, Barneylocks realized that he was now Super Bishoujo-locks.  
  
Super Bishoujo-locks: (in a 'dumb blonde' tone) Like, I'm so totally gorgeous. [mindlessly twirls hair with fingers]  
  
Super Bishoujo-locks gazed some more at her to-die-for looks that superbly matched her to-die-for-then-come-back-to-die-for-again outfit and could have stuttered and fainted at its sheer perfection. When, suddenly, out of nowhere appeared a horde of salivating horny Pokemons. They thronged around Super Bishoujo-Locks shouting:  
  
Throng o' Pokemons: Pikapikapika… Bul-baaa-suar… Squirtlesquirtle… Psyduuuuck… (you get the point ^-^)  
  
Sensing the sudden hormonal rush of the wee Pokemons, Super Bishoujo- Locks twirled her hair mindlessly some more before finally remembering to bring out her handy dandy celphone and dialed a toll-free number.  
  
Pied Piper Delivery Service: Thank you for calling the Pied Piper Delivery Service. We'll deliver you from anything, anytime, anywhere.  
  
Super Bishoujo-Locks made her woes known.  
  
Super Bishoujo-Locks: Woe is me.  
  
Then hung up. After a few minutes, captivating, enticing, titillating music could be heard and in walked the Pied Piper to rescue Les Damsel in Distress.  
  
Super Bishoujo-Locks: Mah herohh… [bats her eyes]  
  
But waitaminit, the Pied Piper was a Pied Piperess and even more Super Bishoujo than Super Bishoujo-Locks. The horny throng took one glance at the newcomer and quickly ignored Super Bishoujo-Locks' formerly scintillating presence. They followed her captivating song and her enticing figure and felt titillated (my my my, is this turning into a hentai? –C.V.) ANYWAY, Super Bishoujo-Locks felt miffed. How could her salivating horde have been so disloyal? They should have been bodily and forcibly dragged away. Instead, they went along peacefully and even willingly. Besides, how could there be anyone even more Super Bishoujo than she? It can't be! With a blood-curling, hair-raising, eye-popping, ear-shattering, adrenaline- pumping whisper, I mean, scream, Super Bishoujo-Locks ran after the pheromone-laced throng to extract her opponents' beauty secrets. Oh yeah, and revenge too.  
  
  
  
What will happen to Even More Super Bishoujo Pied Piperess? Will Super Bishoujo-Locks get her revenge as well as the Ultimate Beauty Secret? Will the Pokemons of horniness defend the Pied Piperess or will they fall for Super Bishoujo-Locks yet again? And more importantly, where are the three poorly disguised bears? All this and more when I locate my brain. 'Til next time on "Little Red Keiichilocks and the Three Poorly Disguised Bears".  
  
  
  
-to be continued-  
  
Author's Note: Everything written here is a figment of my overactive imagination and possibly constant sleep deprivation and should not be taken seriously- at all. It's a silly fic and is therefore, well, silly :p 


	2. Part2

Little Red Keiichilocks and the Three Poorly Disguised Bears  
  
Part 2  
  
By Count Vaniy (vbani@yahoo.com)  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own, no make money, you no sue okay?  
  
Fueled by envy, the green-eyed monster that was Super Bishoujo-Locks raced after the Pied Piperess and her frolicking herd. She quickly caught up with the prancing posse and with one mighty leap that was faster than a speeding bullet, Super Bishoujo-Locks jumped over the captivated crowd and landed smack dab beside Even More Super Bishoujo Pied Piperess.  
  
Super Bishoujo-Locks: You're, like, so totally gonna pay for that.  
  
In quick succession, she unleashed the fury within. Starting with the lip gloss toss maneuver followed by the foundation combo #2 and finished off with her non-famous super mascara smash coupled with the blush on blast. The Pied Piperess was helpless against the cosmetic onslaught. She pleaded in a voice sexier than Penelope Pitstop's:  
  
Pied Piperess: Help! Somebody save me!  
  
The Pokemons of horniness tried to help but were repelled by Super Bishoujo-Locks battle aura. Sensing their impotence, Super Bishoujo-Locks went to new heights of violence par excellence. After a few minutes of uninterrupted cosmetic combos, something shiny and silky smooth slid off Pied Piperess' head. Gasp! The Pied Piperess was really bald! Though, I must say, the wig is simply gorgeous.  
  
Super Bishoujo-Locks: (ala Cherie Gil) You're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat! [Splash!]  
  
Crushed and ridiculed, Pied Piperess slunk off into the sunset, followed by her still loyal horde of now non-salivating Pokemons. They've apparently forgotten about momentary pleasures and wanted her to be their trainer. On the other hand, Super Bishoujo-Locks couldn't believe her eyes. The Pokemons formerly known as horny still chose a bald impostor over her? How could they? Was her hair not perfect? Her figure just sublime? Crushed and dejected, Super Bishoujo-Locks slunk off into the dining room to drown her sorrows in someone else's porridge- Belldandy's porridge to be exact.  
  
And what porridge it was. It tastes sweet but not overpoweringly so. So mild and soothing it reminds one of flowers blossoming during spring. It is as if bouquets of wild flowers are blossoming in one's mouth. The taste is gentle yet a perfect blend of all the ingredients, transporting one to heaven. Ah! What bliss (think Cooking Master Boy- C.V.).  
  
With every spoonful, Super Bishoujo-Locks felt better and better but strangely manlier and manlier too. Luckily, a gyrating mirror gyrated by and she gyrated along to better see her reflection. Oh horror of horrors, her perky chest deflated right before her very eyes. Her scintillating figure suddenly seemed ordinary too. Darn, she had turned back into Keiichilocks.  
  
Keiichilocks: Suddenly, I feel so tired. And, holy crap, do I have makeup on?  
  
After wiping off the horrible horrible make-up, Keiichilocks trudged up the stairs and found himself in the sleeping quarters. The room had three beds in it and being as harassed as he was, he placed the basket on a conveniently located table and crashed into the bed nearest him -which just happens to be engraved with the name Skuld. And promptly felt all his bones crumble. The bed was really really hard due to the fact that it was another technological marvel made by Skuld Enterprises ™. The literally spineless Keiichilocks then inched his way to the next to nearest bed and having learned his lesson, felt the mattress first. Ah, yes. Soft as a baby's ass (don't ask– C.V.). He then plopped down on its soft surface… and almost suffocated. The bed was too soft and unknown arms and legs were pulling him down into the surprisingly deep mattress. Ahh... The wonders of a fully automated massage bed. It's a bargain for only P3999.95 and if you order now, we'll throw in a Swedish masseuse free!  
  
Keiichilocks: Can't… breath… must have… o… xy… gen… (wheeze)  
  
Minutes of laborious struggle went on before Keiichilocks was able to disentangle himself from the willing, perverted bed. With one bed to go, he peered cautiously at the feminine, fuchsia, floral pattern mattress for any signs of abnormality. Finding none, Keiichilocks plopped down on its not too soft, not too hard surface and went into a deep sleep. He dreamt of following a rabbit and of falling down into a deep hole but let's not get into that.  
  
Outside, the three poorly disguised bears were walking home from their supposedly short walk. They all wore tastefully color- coordinated costumes of furry bears with matching Mickey Mouse headbands, complete with nametags proudly declaring them to be Belldandy-bear, Skuld-bear and Urd- bear.  
  
Skuld-bear: Gasp! Someone's been through my Skuld automated burglarproof door v1.6!  
  
Urd-bear: (sarcastically) Gee, I wonder why?  
  
Skuld-bear whips out a hi-tech looking remote control and pushed the single red button on its surface. A hidden door opens from the side of the mansion and out zips her clothesline, flapping her Astroboy undies in the cool morning breeze.  
  
Skuld-bear: How'd that get there. Ahehehehe… ^-^;;  
  
Belldandy-bear: Oh, I just washed them this morning.  
  
Urd-Bear: Nice. (snicker!)  
  
Blushing furiously, Skuld-bear whips out another hi-tech looking remote control and pushed the single red button on its surface. Multiple hidden doors opened from the surrounding foliage and huge, intimidating robots emerged.  
  
Skuld-bear: Finally. Attack my faithful Anti-Urd Bots v4.8! Bahahahaha!!!  
  
Urd-bear: That's bwahahahaha. (smirk)  
  
Skuld-bear: Attttttaaaaaaaccckkkk!!!  
  
The Anti-Urd Bots v4.8 rushed to do their master's bidding while Urd readies a lightning spell when Belldandy suddenly steps in front of the myriad of mechanical mayhem.  
  
Belldandy-bear: No fighting now. Here, have a cookie. (  
  
Urd-bear and Skuld-bear did simultaneous facefaults but the Anti-Urd Bots v4.8 happily accepted the 'bribe', er, peace offering and rolled off into the sunset with silly grins on their metallic faces, taking down a sizeable portion of the forest with them. Belldandy-bear waves after them. Turning around to face her sisters…  
  
Belldandy-bear: Want a cookie?  
  
Meanwhile, in the middle of the forest, the 'wolf's jaunty, springy steps could be heard as 'he' searched for the ever elusive red hood.  
  
'Wolf': Whereforth art thou, my gorgeous little red Armani hood. Fling yourself into my arms, my fabulous piece of velvet. My closet awaits your stunning presence!  
  
Back at the mansion, the three poorly disguised bears enter their home with trepidation. In single file, they crept around as quietly as a colony of rampaging ants. Upon entering the dining room, they noticed the state of their breakfast.  
  
Skuld-bear: Someone's been eating my porridge and broke my Skuld automated spoon! Waaaaaaahhh!!!  
  
Urd-bear: Someone's been *eating* my porridge too. Better look around for a dead body, this thing's inedible. Phew!  
  
Belldandy-bear: Someone ate all my porridge. Hmm… wonder if they'd like to have a copy of my recipe.  
  
Urd-bear and Skuld-bear sweatdrop.  
  
Urd-bear: Riiight… We'd better search the rest of the house then.  
  
At the same time outside their home, the 'wolf's parade brought him towards the back of their humble mansion where the open window gave testament to the symphony orchestra inside. Keiichilocks' snores were reverberating around the small room, causing massive damage to the structural integrity of the entire upper floor. The 'wolf' flashed his trademark gleeful evil smile, rubbed his hands together with practiced grace and gaily climbed up the open window.  
  
Keiichilocks: (snore snore)  
  
Meanwhile, back to the poorly disguised bears…A few more minutes of worried shuffling, subdued gasps and outright violence when they found themselves in several, different parts of the mansion. Using their formidable powers of observation, they noted the following:  
  
Belldandy-bear: The slim, ergonomic chairs look okay.  
  
Urd-bear: Hey! Someone's been fooling around with my gyrating mirror.  
  
Skuld-bear: Someone broke my titanium-spiked wall too.  
  
Belldandy-bear: Only the bedroom's left. Shall we go up?  
  
As the trio of poorly disguised bears climbed the stairs, the 'wolf' almost floated with ecstasy upon reaching the bedroom. On the bed lay Keiichilocks with the fantabulous, red, velvet, Armani hood. Alas, before he could capitalize on the situation (in a PG-13 kind of way, I'm trying to keep my rating here- C.V.) the 'Wolf' noticed voices behind the door arguing:  
  
Skuld-bear: …when my Anti-Urd Bots v4.9 get their hands on you…  
  
Urd-bear: You mean the ones without arms? (snicker)  
  
Skuld-bear: That was v3.5!!! (simmer, boil)  
  
'He' quickly pounced on the unsuspecting Keiichilocks, snatched up and wore the desirable hood then rolled the snoring Keiichilocks into a nearby closet along with the incriminating basket o' goods. "He' then got under the covers and pretended to be asleep. Just in time too, for no sooner had he closed his eyes when the three poorly disguised bears burst into the room in a cloud of dust. Aghast, they took one look at the bed's occupant and exclaimed…  
  
The Three Poorly Disguised Bears: Grandma?!?!?!  
  
  
  
What will happen to the 'Wolf'? Will the Three Poorly Disguised Bears ever penetrate her disguise? Or will Keiichilocks remain in the closet 'til Spring-Cleaning? What about the basket of goodies Keiichilocks was supposed to give Grandma? Find out in the somewhat exciting conclusion of "Little Red Keiichilocks and the Three Poorly Disguised Bears" coming not so soon to a computer near you!  
  
  
  
-to be continued-  
  
Author's Notes: Well, here's the second part of the story. I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me any spelling or grammatical errors. I'm obsessive- compulsive ^-^;; Also, anyone know the name of Keiichi's two sempais? I know one of them's Tamiya. Dunno if it's the fat one or the thin one though. Any help will be appreciated ( Comments and suggestions welcome.  
  
I've done some minor rewriting on both chapters, mainly because I forgot about the bag of goodies that Little Red Riding Hood was supposed to bring to Grandma. It's been a while since I've read Fairy Tales (this is a fairy tale, right?) I've added a few lines too. The previous version of this chapter was neither happy enough nor does it smack of random insanity. Anyhow, the third chapter will take some time to finish because real life is biting my ass.  
  
Cherie Gil is a local actress who usually portrays the evil in-law or the evil ex or something to that effect. She's a master of such typical villainous moves like the drop dead eyebrow raise maneuver, the I'm rich you're not sneer and the head-to-toe degrading shrink ray glance. You can tell that I like her- she's cool. Hehehe ^-^ 


	3. Part3

Little Red Keiichilocks and the Three Poorly Disguised Bears  
Part 3  
By Count Vaniy (vbani@yahoo.com)  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own, no make money, you no sue okay?  
  
Getting over their momentary surprise, the three poorly disguised bears slowly approached 'grandma' who hid underneath the exquisite, red, velvet hood and the comfy pink, girly sheets. 'Her' eyes peered ever so innocently across the room at the approaching name-tagged bears.  
  
Skuld-Bear: My, what big eyes you have grandma.  
  
'Wolf' in disguise: [falsetto] All the better to put mascara on my dear.  
  
Urd-Bear: My, what big ears you have.  
  
"Wolf" in disguise: [falsetto] All the better to hang dangling earrings on my dear.  
  
Belldandy-Bear: And what big teeth you have.  
  
"Wolf" in disguise: [real voice] What?! I'll sue that orthodontist!  
  
The bears sweatdrop.  
  
"Wolf" in disguise: [falsetto] Uh, I mean, all the better to gobble you up my dear. You all just look simply ravishing in those name-tagged costumes I simply forgot myself. Ohohohohoho.  
  
The "Wolf" hastily rambled on to cover his ill-timed vanity lash. Sweat was poring profusely, making his somewhat believable-from-thirty- paces granny makeup not so believable.  
  
Skuld-Bear: You okay, Grandma? You don't look so good.  
  
"Wolf" in disguise: Of course not, my dears. Grandma always looks good. *smile*  
  
The three poorly disguised bears then stepped closer and peered dangerously close at the 'wolf's' peeling disguise. Their penetrating gazes might very well penetrate his shabbily made costume. Oh the humiliation and indignity! Whatever shall 'he' do? What if one of his so-called friends sees him in that drab, ill fitting, color-uncoordinated granny suit. Luckily, Keiichilocks woke up at that moment and unrolled himself from the closet (yes, its possible to unroll yourself from a closet. Try it out some time, it'll change your life *snicker* - C.V.) He landed in a spray of flowers. Daisies were falling from the sky, as the room dims to allow a spotlight to shine down on his lingerie-wearing self.  
  
Keiichilocks: Huh? Where am I?  
  
Belldandy-Bear took one look at his gorgeous, sexy, bleach black curls and his ultra tight-fitting, figure-hugging, red-hot lingerie set and SLAPPED him!  
  
Belldandy-Bear: Aaaahh. pervert!  
  
Skuld-Bear: How dare you make my onesan cry!  
  
Skuld-Bear whips out yet another high-tech looking remote with a single red button on its surface from her 'Pocket of Plenty'. She pushed the single red button on its matte black surface and. nothing happens. inside the room that is.  
  
Outside, in the midst of Urd-Bear's special poison ivy, two woodcutters were trying very hard to cut wood in order to fulfill their goal in life. They were sadly hampered by a nearby pond's tranquil surface, reflecting their sweaty, gleaming, grimy muscles making them pose, preen and grin idiotically instead. The fine print on their tight-fitting shirts proclaimed them to be the sempai woodcutters. They went on in narcissistic glee when suddenly they were catapulted towards the Poorly Disguised Bears' mansion, bringing a patch of the special poison ivy with them.  
  
Meanwhile, inside the Bears' mansion.  
  
Keiichilocks: Huh? Who are you and what have you done to my grandma?  
  
Shouted Keiichilocks in, what he hoped was, a manly man manner. It wasn't. Not while his hair was a stupendous bleach black color and his sexy, red-hot lingerie tight-fitting.  
  
Skuld-Bear: Hey, hey, Mr. Ecchi. This is our grandma, not yours. *bleah*  
  
Keiichilocks: What!? Of course not. I'm here to visit her and give her a basket of goodies.  
  
Belldandy-Bear: What basket of goodies?  
  
Keiichilocks: This, of course. (raises arm, holding an imaginary, non- existent basket o' goodies)  
  
Urd-Bear: Well, it just so happens that this is our house and not hers so she can't be your grandma, baka!  
  
So saying, she jerked her thumb over to point at 'grandma'. An eerie silence pervades the room, a pin could be heard dropping on the floor, owls hoot in the distance as everyone realizes what Urd-Bear unwittingly pointed out. Who the hell was 'grandma'? Necks 360d as everyone's attention was suddenly riveted towards the empty bed. The 'wolf' was stealthily crawling towards the door, wearing nothing but oversized rollers, Keiichilocks' red hood and his gorgeous, stunning ensemble of realistic-looking genuine wolf fur.  
  
Skuld-Bear: You're not grandma!  
  
Urd-Bear: I'm gonna fry you, you silly twit of a man. (readies a lightning spell)  
  
Keiichilocks: What have you done with my basket of goodies!  
  
Belldandy-Bear: Oh dear.  
  
The 'wolf' opened his mouth, ready to spew forth a deluge of deceit, a mouthful of mumbo-jumbo, a litany of lies- none of them convincing. Fortunately, two woodcutters flying in from the window saved him from future torture.  
  
Sempai Woodcutters: Aieeeee..!  
  
The woodcutters landed in an unsightly squirt of body oil. Their swollen faces and other parts, a visual testament to the effectiveness of Urd- Bear's special poison ivy. They were an unsightly mass of pink and purple blobs that vaguely resembled no one in particular. Their I.Q. dropped 50 points too but no one noticed.  
  
Keiichilocks: Holy Crap! Get away from me!  
  
He screamed ineffectively while flouncing his gorgeous curls. The dynamic woodcutting duo got up and slimed their way towards him.  
  
Sempai Woodcutters: Brains. brains.  
  
Urd-Bear: Chain Lightning!!!  
  
A powerful bolt of electricity hit the two zombie-like woodcutters and bounced across the room, zapping anyone unfortunate enough to get in its way. Which, unfortunately, was everyone in the room. Signs of the apocalypse were apparent as soon as the smoke cleared. Incredibly, Keiichilocks' stunning curls were as stunning as ever. Too bad we can't say the same for the rest of him.  
  
Grandma: [falsetto] Oh my goodness, what happened here?  
  
Necks 360d once again, to a vision of Kami-sama in a flowing white, polka- dotted, frilly dress and huge rollers.  
  
Belldandy-Bear: Oh, hello Kami-sama so nice to see you again. Would you like some tea?  
  
Kami-sama: [falsetto] Please, call me grandma and I would love some tea.  
  
The rest of the cast sat in stunned silence while the two chatted amicably about the weather. The sight of KAMI-SAMA in frilly clothing is just too creepy. Not to mention disturbing and, well, disturbing. Loud thuds were heard as several heads fell off and rolled randomly across the floor. Just then, the two woodcutters recovered from the frying Urd-Bear gave them and started walking with both arms raised, parallel to the floor, acting like the zombies Urd-Bear's special poison ivy patch changed them into.  
  
Sempai Woodcutters: Brains. brains.  
  
They chanted in unison while advancing menacingly in sloooow motion towards the ever-gorgeous but hapless Keiichilocks. The three poorly disguised bears searched their pockets for weapons of mass destruction. And 'lo and behold, they pulled several diabolical, menacing- looking and deadly water pistols. Alas, the PG-13 rating of this crummy piece of fiction prohibits violence beyond a mere slap in the face (in theory, that is -C.V.). Not about to give up, they rummaged their pockets yet again and came out with realistic-looking revolvers, which they hoped were the real thing. It wasn't. As they took careful aim at the lumpy heads of the slimy zombies and gleefully pulled the trigger, their guns emitted a high-pitched squawk and ran away like the chickens-in-disguise they were. The poorly- disguised trio was left with no choice. They had to use their secret and most dangerous weapon. Their combined auras raised several notches. Raising their hands to their chests, they took a deep breath and. sang. Still, the zombie-like woodcutters continued to slime their way towards the fabulous curls of Keiichilocks in the utmost slowest of motions but strangely in beat to the soothing music. Unhampered, the three poorly disguised bears sang on like a choir possessed.  
  
Keiichilocks: Grandma? A little help please?  
  
Kami-sama: [falsetto] Ohohohoho! You're on your own 'grandson' of mine. I'm of with the cookies. Ta-taah! Don't die (.  
  
And with those parting words, Kami-sama was off!  
  
-the end-  
  
Author's Notes: Wahahahaha! It's done, it's done! I've been working on this fic on and off for about 2 ½ years. More off than on obviously but it's finally finished ( 


End file.
